On Hearts / Everything I’m Afraid Of

How was I supposed to know?
I wanted to fix what is falling.
Every piece’s picture
was in invisible ink.
I could not squint hard enough.
My eyes were hurting.
I could not sear it into existence.
Every paper clip
linked to the next.
They were not numbered.
I could only guess
at an order.
The notes sounded scratchy
in every arrangement.
I am no composer.
How was I supposed to know?


I was careful.
In a panicked way,
in a flailing way,
in a desperate way.
The way you are careful
about a grip on the only knot
left on the rope.
The way you are careful
with a library book in a thunderstorm.
It was fast.
It was rushed.
But it wasn’t shoddy,
I was too worried.
I was careful.

“There are some hearts, reader, that never mend again once they are broken. Or if they do mend, they heal themselves in a crooked and lopsided way, as if sewn together by a careless craftsman.”
~The Tale of Despereaux by Kate DiCamillo

6 thoughts on “On Hearts / Everything I’m Afraid Of”

  1. Nice one Heather.

    Reminds me of a quote from the Tainted Love volume:

    And then I felt sad because I realized that once people are broken in certain ways, they can’t ever be fixed, and this is something nobody ever tells you when you are young and it never fails to surprise you as you grow older as you see the people in your life break one by one. You wonder when your turn is going to be, or if it’s already happened.” ~Douglas Coupland, Life After God

    I wonder how many times I’ve glued myself back together. Duct tape. 🙂

    1. I remember that quote now; I didn’t think of it earlier, but I believe I took a screenshot of that part… Glue opens up an interesting discussion– after all, if we’re gluing pieces together, couldn’t we make a collage and not just a once-torn mess? Thank you for bringing that quote to my attention again! I love how it connects and how powerful it is.

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