The Real Issue with Being Cynical

Most people will tell you that cynicism is a problem. They will say that it isn’t that there is a problem with it- the entirety of being cynical is something to be fixed, in their opinion.

I disagree.

Well, obviously, because if I agreed with the majority of people, I wouldn’t be writing a post about my ideas. (I usually disagree with popular opinion. It seems to be a tendency of poets.)

To me, the issue with being cynical is that once people know this about you, they don’t expect you to change.
I have been a quite skeptical person, particularly about love. I know- that seems to contradict all of the love poems I’ve posted. That’s actually an element of it. I have an extremely logical mind, but I am a dreamer. Thus I dream, hope, and eventually fall, either for a person or an idea. All the while, the “sensical” part of me is flying into a frenzied panic attack, because I’m infected with the thought that even contemplating a risk like loving someone is A BAD IDEA.

I became trapped in this loop; I was afraid of acting on things because I cannot control other people’s reactions, unlike those of my characters, and a lack of control means uncertainty, convincing me that action is terrifying. Thus, whenever my friends said something along the lines of, “Who do you like?” or, “Let’s find you a boyfriend,” I laughed it off and informed them that I didn’t see the point of “love.”

Is it even really love if it ends? I’ve grown up believing 1 Corinthians 13:7-8, that love perseveres and never fails, that it is eternal. From this perspective, a short-lived crush or relationship does not involve this pure kind of love if the feelings disappear.

Why make yourself vulnerable if the other person is only going to leave, cheat, be cruel, or just drift away, and in doing so hurt you more than the cynicism would?

I’m still trying to find an answer to these questions, to tell you the truth. The thing is, I wanted my friends to convince me otherwise. I wanted them to change my outlook and mindset. But no matter how grounded in their beliefs they were, the best answer I received was, “Because you need love. Love is worth it! Love is great!” I determined from this unconvincing argument that my skepticism was far more logical, they just did not realize it yet. They could tell me time and time again that I needed to find someone so we could get married and live in a library, but marriage is a long ways away, and it just didn’t seem worth the heartache now to find that later. Couldn’t I start taking risks after I had met the person I was going to marry?

Obviously, that “logic” is flawed. I was never going to meet anyone if I stayed the way I was, because I was not interested in meeting people. However, at some point my cynicism began to disintegrate. This probably was not related to any logic and had more to do with the way I felt around him, but again, I’m a dreamer.

Even though I consider myself faintly optimistic about love, the real issue with being cynical is that while people try to get you to change, they never think that you actually will. My friends still say, “Is this because you hate love?” when I tell them I dislike “chick flick” romantic movies, and I am reluctant to persuade them otherwise since it would involve, again, making myself vulnerable by saying the name of the reason I’ve revised my ideas.

Are there other problems with cynicism besides people’s beliefs that you stay that way? Certainly. I find that it is much easier for a dreamer to become scornful than an exceedingly logical person; if your every dream is crushed, it is very hard to not want to revise your strategy of life in the interest of self-protection.

Thoughts on cynicism? Are you a sensical person, a naïve dreamer, somewhere in between, or something else altogether? What’s your perspective on my questions about love and general human behavior? I’d love to hear your thoughts! 🙂

-Heather

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6 thoughts on “The Real Issue with Being Cynical”

  1. It’s the same way for me. I don’t think I understand love (yet). I just can’t see me loving someone so much that I stay with him for life. I immediately denounce any of my supposed crushes on people because I tell myself that I wouldn’t want to marry him. Also I think I would be a horrible mother.

  2. I tend to rely more on logic in most cases, and a lot of people sometimes read that as cynicism (No, you CAN NEVER fly without an aeroplane) just because I don’t want to take part of or help a particularly ludicrous plan or idea. As for the whole “love” thing… I actually hate chick flicks too (TWILIGHT *shudders*), but the idea of a lot of the stereotypical things you listed above either marginally appeal or completely disappeal to me. I guess it all depends on where you stand on certain things…..

    Heeeheeeheeheee… Posting a comment about cynicism at 6:45 while hugging a huge stuffed teddy bear… Where has my life gone?!?!

  3. I like to refer to myself as a sensical person, but when it comes to love I am very much a naïve dreamer. I have always enjoyed books with a romantic side plot. I don’t know why, I guess that’s just me. 🙂 However, after some experiences with “love” I have decided to leave romance in books, not in real life, if only just for a few years.

    1. I definitely agree with this outlook. I like books with a side-plot romance, as well, as long as that’s not the main focus. I’m not one for romance novels, and I think the “love triangle” setup is overused.

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